Month: June 2020

  • We never really die!

    We don’t die – we simply pass away from this lifetime. Death is simply a passing from this life to the world of Spirit. Those of us left behind in the world are the sad ones, mourning the loss of our loved ones, but they will have definitely moved on to a loving, peaceful ‘heavenly’ dimension. It was simply their time to leave this lifetime.

    I wrote a little bit about loss and grief in the Empty Nesting blog. This article is to let you know that when we leave these physical bodies – we pass to the Spirit world where we meet with wiser beings who metaphorically hold our hand and take us on a journey into the Light. (This is different to when we become enlightened and merge with the Oneness known as God – at that stage we leave our soul and individual mind behind.)

    Reviewing the life we just left

    With these wise beings in the world of Spirit, we review the life we just lived. In my current life it would be as an English woman called Jacquie, but in another of my thousands of lifetimes I might have been a Chinese man or a Norwegian woman – and this process happens between each of our lifetimes. So, a bit like in a cinema, I would be shown my life on the big screen – warts and all – I would see the challenges I faced in this lifetime and how I dealt with them. The people I related to and what those interactions were like, and then, remembering that “time” is only a worldly concept and not a part of being in Spirit, I would choose my path for my next incarnation including who my parents will be and which challenges I want to have so I can continue to grow and heal.

    My goal is to become enlightened, so I’m trying to evolve as Jesus and Buddha did – to take two well-known souls who mastered their lives – and it is said that when we review our lives in this “cinema” or Hall of Mirrors, we are very keen to do better in our next lifetime so we can continue to achieve our goals.

    Souls that have been mentally disturbed and take their own lives, or people unexpectedly killed in accidents or by freaks of Nature are very much comforted when they pass over. We go to a place of peace because it’s only the physical world that is painful and unkind. The world of Spirit is loving and peaceful. It’s said that souls love being there but choose to reincarnate on Earth because this is such a beautiful planet. There are other dense planets where we could reincarnate – but I am going to stick with the old familiar world we inhabit at the moment!

    When Dad “died”

    When my father passed over, I knew he was comfortable about dying and we both knew where he was going, so I did not grieve his leaving (although I naturally miss him!) I was actually relieved because he had been suffering with cancer. I sent him Reiki healing for his onward journey and found myself naturally looking up into the corner of the room which is where I felt him to be, rather than at his spiritless corpse he’d left on the bed. A few months’ later, through an excellent Medium (please ask me for her details if you want them), Dad thanked me for giving him Reiki at the time of his transition, and I recommend to anyone who is attuned to Reiki to do the same thing. The Medium hadn’t known any of the details of how I dealt with my father’s passing – so it was very comforting to receive Dad’s message through her.

    “What happens when we die?”

    This was my main question when I started actively on my spiritual path in the 90s, and after many years of research and personal experience, I have the answers I was looking for. Indeed, even prior to that, in the 70s I bought a book about near death experiences (NDEs) which was full of documented accounts from people who were thought to have died but came back to life. These NDEs more often than not show people that there is definitely another dimension – the world of Spirit – and they talk about a loving place beyond our imagination. This is my experience when I connect to Holy Spirit – pure joy and Light and Love and laughter!

    So when you next experience grief, of course deal with your emotions, but with the knowledge that your loved one is not suffering anymore and is in a place of peace and love, I hope you will find it easier to grieve. I found great comfort was gained from my reading with the Medium, it really was most beneficial – which is why Mediums do that job for us.

    Do ask questions about what I’ve talked about in this blog – I’m happy to discuss anything with you!

    With love, as ever

    Jacquie

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  • My experience of Empty Nest Syndrome, Loss and Grief

    I was a single mother of two children from when they were 7 & 8 years old. We lived happily together and I kept a roof over their heads! My son left home at 24 years old, although he’d been travelling prior to that (India, Nepal and Australia), and my daughter left aged 21 but had rarely been away on her own.

    Neither of them went to university, so I’d been used to having a houseful, including the occasional boyfriend added into the mix! After they left school they both got jobs – so we were a tight unit and got on very well – mainly because we were all interested in spiritual development, as well as being generally easy going gentle folk! My daughter tells me now that I used to argue a lot with my son, but I seem to have erased any arguments from my memory!

    When the kids left home!

    When they eventually left home, I unexpectedly suffered terrible Empty Nest Syndrome! Despite knowing it was the right time for them to fly the nest and lead independent lives, and despite having heard about other mothers’ experiences, as with all emotional experiences, until we go through them ourselves they’re very hard to understand. And our hearts do not necessarily fall in line with what our heads tells us!

    To make matters worse for me, because Frances had been born in Australia, when she was 20 she went travelling Down Under, got her Australian passport and moved to Sydney permanently – 12,000 miles across the world! She didn’t just move up the road or to the next town, but to Australia, which for me was the beginning of a nightmare of loss and grief that I was completely unprepared for.

    To compound that loss, four months later my son resigned from his job in, got himself an Australian Working Visa and joined his sister in the Australian sunshine! Now, I was brought up overseas and have travelled extensively, but I’d never been on the other end of the see-saw before. I had, however, been sent to boarding school at the age of seven, the effects of which were abandonment, and the kids both now “abandoning” me, albeit in a very different way, now started to surface which I had to deal with at the same time. Grief, loss and abandonment.

    The reason I’m detailing this is to explain how, after years of having my kids in my home, I was feeling absolutely bereft! So, if you’re experiencing loss and grief, I can empathise and hopefully give you some useful ideas as to hoe to cope. The enormity of the closest two people in the world moving 12,000 miles’ away really hit me hard, and this was in the early 2000s before Facebook! Skype was in its infancy and there weren’t smart phones so FaceTime hadn’t been dreamt up back then! All making communications very hard indeed – Frances had to go to a public telephone box to call home and the time difference didn’t help either! Some say the world’s a smaller place because of technology and air travel, but in practical terms, the loss of a loved one to another country where you can’t hug them can’t be replaced.

    Loss and Grief

    Empty nesting is quite simply the term for loss and grief when the chicks fly the nest. In reality I felt desperately lonely, missed them terribly – I found it hard initially to even go into my daughter’s bedroom. Another friend told me that when her eldest daughter left to go to university, she would go into her bedroom and cry her eyes out. If you’re suffering now – you are definitely not alone.

    Twenty years is a long time for a mother to bond with her children, and whether you’re married or not, it can be a great loss when they leave home. Obviously everyone’s experiences of Empty Nesting are different – but many of us suffer at this time – Dads as well as Mums!

    Luckily, with the advent of the Internet we can now share our experiences, and this is what I’m doing in this blog. Knowledge and planning can help us to prepare for these experiences.

    I was single when they left home and as I didn’t live near my family, I think I not only suppressed my emotions but I didn’t really know what I was experiencing – and eventually I had a nervous breakdown. But you don’t have to!

    So, for any parent preparing for their children to leave home, I offer the following:

    1. Busy and active! Keep yourself as fully occupied as possible. Be this with your work, your hobbies and interests or your social life – wider family and friends. Later in life I’ve realised how important “community” is to me – be it a drama group, a gardening club, an exercise class or meditation group – meeting regularly with people with similar interests and values as me, is very beneficial.
    2. Talk! Speak to a Counsellor to help you with any unusual emotions. It’s much better to express your emotions and talk it all through with someone who’s objective. Family and friends can be supportive but they tend to have biased points of view, so a trained Counsellor or Psychotherapist can be of great help. Even if you “don’t think I’m that bad”, it’s worth it.
    3. Communication. Prior to your children leaving, talk to them about this and make plans to keep in touch with them on a regular basis. Explain to them that although they’ll be starting a new life with lots of do, remind them that you love them and want them to have a great time, but that a regular phone call, email or text message will make all the difference to you.
    4. Proper Prior Planning Prevents Piss Poor Performance! Therefore, also make a Family Plan when you will next see them and whether this will become a regular meeting. Having something to look forward to, to do together is really important – so put something in your diary!
    5. Meditate. Learn how to still your mind and find an inner peace – prior to them leaving home! Meditation might seem daunting at first, but it is easy to learn and really calms our minds, which is a lovely way to learn to be happy on your own, whatever happens in life and whether you’re married or not.

    That list wasn’t in any order of priority, but I’d put Learn and Practise Meditation as the most important thing to do. At one point or another in our lives we will all suffer loss; whether it’s caused by a relationship breakdown, divorce, redundancy, kids leaving home or the death of a pet, a close friend or member of your family – it’s a guaranteed part of life. So, by practising meditation it can bring us to a place where our minds are calm and vital questions will be answered for us. Ultimately, through meditation, we can create an understanding about the reality of us leaving this Earth plane, which can help us deal with the fear of death and other losses.

    If you have any questions or comments, please leave them below.

    With love, as ever

    Jacquie

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